OUTFIT | THOUGHTS OF AN INTROVERT

17 February 2018



WHAT IT MEANS TO BE INTROVERT

Some days I find it hard to sit down and write a blog post that might be a bit more relatable than my other 'easier to read' posts. Sometimes I struggle with a writers block. Other days my thoughts seem to just come out so easily and I can write a blog post that has a deeper thought to it so easily. I love writing these posts as I feel you truly get to know me a bit better as a human, a friend and a girl who has her insecurities too.

Multiple events happened this past week that made me realize that I am an introvert person. I am an introvert person and people were attacking me for it. I started doubting myself, wondering why I had to be the person who is introvert, why can't I just be extravert and outgoing. And instead of really talking about it with people, I feel like I can write down my ramblings a lot better.

PUTTING UP A WALL

Whenever I start doubting myself, it slowly starts to eat away at me. Instead of letting it out, I put up my wall, even with the people I trust and love most. Whenever people start attacking me as an introvert, my demeanor changes immediately. This is something I have heard quite a few other people that are introvert do. People who are introvert usually are being called 'cold'. But we're not cold. We have a wall up and we all have different reasons why we put that wall up. It might be because we're being put into an uncomfortable situation, because we feel alone, misunderstood or maybe we also suffer from having social anxiety.

I can only truly use myself as an example of putting that wall back up. I suffer from social anxiety, I always wonder what people might think of me. So what I tend to do, is I tend to shut down completely. I don't want to bother anyone else with how I feel and I tend to withdraw myself from the public, my friends and sometimes even my family. It helps me cope with how I feel, I can sort out my thoughts and I feel like 'me' again. Withdrawing myself from people is completely normal to me. That brings me to the next point in being an introvert, being on your own.



BEING ALONE

Personally I love being on my own. It feels like I can put some time in my well-being and prefer to spend some spare time on my own, reading, listening to music or anything like that. That's why if you ever come across me anywhere in public, I am usually listening to music or reading a book. Some of my friends even call me out on being 'alone' or on my own so much too. It hurts when they tell me off for it, as it is who I am as a person. I can be perfectly content being on my own. Which is normal if you're an introvert. 

I get judged quite a bit by friends, family and lots of others. To them I am not the normal 20-something-year-old that goes clubbing every weekend. They find it weird that I would much rather spend my weekend inside, reading a book until late at night instead of going out and getting drunk. Another thing that amplifies me rather being on my own are me suffering from panic attacks. I start having panic attacks in places I feel extremely uncomfortable in, the club happens to be one of those extremely 'uncomfortable' places to me. Which is why I prefer being alone. However, if I do meet someone interesting, I would much rather be at a bar or at home and have a deep conversation with this person instead of going out to a club with them. 

I SUCK AT SMALL TALK

I'm also not that good at the whole 'small talk' thing. I hate it. It makes me feel uncomfortable. I have seen this happen quite a lot. I feel like with small talk people don't truly care what is being said. I observe and see my friends having the best conversations with salespeople or other casual acquaintances, but I just can't seem to do it. I don't know whether it has to do with me not wanting to bother others with my problems. But I would just much rather talk to someone and have a deep conversation instead of some sort of shallow small talk. 

Because I suck at small talk, I also find that sometimes I can't really find that connection with people who I honestly, truly like as a person. I find it hard to ask them 'easy', maybe even shallow questions. It's hardest to me to ask questions without asking more, without trying to connect on a deeper level, having a deeper conversation. 



I AM CONSTANTLY OVERTHINKING

I am not sure whether this is just me, or if other introverts suffer from this too (definitely let me know if you're experience this too!), but I can't seem to not overthink. A million thoughts, ideas and daydreams are constantly crossing my mind every second. I literally worry about everything and constantly find myself apologizing or feeling guilty, because I feel like I did something wrong. The 'What if'-questions are constantly going through my head. 

In my opinion overthinking is the worst thing about being introvert. It's the worst when it starts affecting your sleeping pattern. Whenever I try to have an early nights sleep, my brain starts to replay events of the day. Some nights I start worry about certain things I said and/or did. What if I failed my exam. What if my best friend thinks I am ignoring her? Other evenings I find myself getting lots of new inspiring and ideas and my head starts to overflow.


Being an introvert overthinker can be exhausting and emotionally draining. However, this is who I am and I want to feel comfortable in my own skin. Especially since I am 21 now. I want to be me without being judged by strangers, friends, family, future colleagues.

At the beginning of the week I thought it was wrong for me to be an introvert. While letting my thoughts speak in this post, I came to realize that there's nothing wrong with being an introvert. It is who you are and I honestly think that it makes you special in your own beautiful way. Don't doubt yourself. Be on your own if you want to be alone.

What I'm wearing:
New Look coat
ZARA jumper
Topshop flared trousers
Rika Franca bag
Adidas Stan Smith trainers

6 comments :

  1. It is definitely not wrong in anyway to be an introvert! People are different and nobody can assume everyone to act/be like them, whether that's introverted or extroverted. And people can change too. I used to consider myself extremely introverted and would much rather spend as much time as possible just on my own, but recently I've realised that I've become an extroverted introvert. I still LOVE spending time on my own, but when I'm alone for too long I need to get out, meet people, and be social. And then to balance out the socialising I need some alone time again.

    Loved reading your deeper thoughts, hope you're having a lovely weekend! ♥︎ xx

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    1. Thank you so much Pinja! I’m so glad you like reading my deeper thoughts! Maybe I am a bit more like you too. I get so much energy whenever I hang out with my closest friends and always feel like I need to get out and see people when I have been on my own for too long. Some people definitely judge me for being able to be on my own, wheras others seem to struggle with it. It’s good to be able to be on your own and also still have situations in which you socialise!

      Happy weekend gorgeous, thank you so so much for always reading my blog!

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  2. I'm so bad at small talk too! It's the worst thing. I'm an introvert through and through, so I can totally relate to everything you're thinking and have written. It's definitely nothing to ashamed of, everyone is at a different point of the into/extro spectrum - I find it really interesting :)

    Loving your positivity too - if you wanna be alone, be alone! xx

    Anika | anikamay.co.uk

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    1. Ah thank you Anika! I'm so glad you can relate to my thoughts! It's definitely not something to be ashamed of. Like I said, as much as I love hanging out with my friends, I am also perfectly fine and capable of spending an evening at home by myself :)

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  3. I can really relate to this post, prior to becoming ill last year I was such an extrovert. I adored being with people and I filled my time up making sure I had something to do and somebody to see. When I got ill I didn't have the physical ability to do those things anymore and for the past year have spent more time alone at home than ever before and I think I'm adapting more to the qualities of an introvert. I don't know whether as my health improves so will my ability to be out with people but for now I struggle with anxiety and find it much easier staying at home. I don't think being introverted or extraverted is anything to be ashamed of, everyone is so unique and we should all appreciate that!

    Lucy Jane | Infinity of Fashion

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    1. Thank you so much for your lovely comment Lucy! And I couldn't agree with you more, neither introverts or extraverts should be ashamed of who they are! I really do hope you're okay and your health improves soon lovely. Have a gorgeous weekend! :) xx

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